if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
