what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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