hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
