I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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