Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
