im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize