oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
