I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
