then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
