He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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