he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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