just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
