I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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