it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
