there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
