If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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