But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
pray to the hookup gods
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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