Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
