I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if i died would you start the facebook group?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
