Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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