Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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