I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
