I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
