So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
