I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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