you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
