Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
