I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have fence marks all over my body
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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