um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize