If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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