I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
