I am puke
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
