Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize