If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
