Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
there is glitter all over my balls
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
