my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
