We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
