My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
