Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
