My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
