four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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