Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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