It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize