is your mom at the bar?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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