I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
