Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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