Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's rum buckets o'clock
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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