bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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