The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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