if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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