I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
