I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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