Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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