i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
