Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
