Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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