a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
