It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
