i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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