did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i wish my penis had a tongue
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize