Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize