I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she looked like the before picture.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
