i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
