You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
