Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
