Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
