She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
