I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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