Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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