Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
